My Dear Friends,

Dum spiramus tuebimur - While we breathe, we shall defend

It is with the deepest of sorrows that the fate of our great City will fall into the hands of barbarians within days.

Evil blackguards, drunkards and foul lunatics, have marched for miles; killing, raping and pillaging their way towards to Rome. The stench of bloodshed is upon these men, and their lust to rip the heart out of our splendid City fills all of us with fear dear friends, and in so doing, makes us even more determined to do what Rome does best. That's right, we will party.

Indeed, your neighbours at The Button Club, the ethereal Empress Supreme, the dashing Guardian of the Temple of Jupiter, and the suave Protectorate of Latifundia Dulwicheum Capitoleum, invite you to join them for ‘The Fall of Rome', a lavish Roman feast. The most splendid of parties will be held at Beauberry House, Dulwicheum, on Friday, 8th June. Festivities begin at 8:00 p.m., and will finish at 5:00 a.m. the next morning, when Rome will have fallen. Those of us left standing will take chariots home.

I beseech you dear clerics, poets, painters, sculptors, juggling dwarves, philosophers, gladiators, centurions, and beautiful courtesans, to unite. Let's celebrate Rome's final ours. Let's show those murderous barbarians, that when they tear through our gates and knock down our walls, they will find only feasting, dancing and merry making.

The Button Club will laugh in the face of troubles. Sine cura (without a care), indeed. Those philistines may be dangerous, but they won't destroy our spirit. Dulwicheum will stand firm with fine wines, low lighting, togas and gold sandals. Let those rascals whip out their weapons, and we will, in turn, implore them to taste the fruits of our lavish feast. They will be so starving hungry from their long journey, and so soiled in the filth of their crimes, that I doubt any one of those savages will refuse a succulent spit-roast or the charms of Rome's finest eunuchs.

Come dear friends, and join the noblest of statesmen for this deliciously entertaining evening.

I look forward to seeing you all for a night of total indulgence! Hoorah for Plutarch, and Up Pompeii!

For now, dear friends, Da mihi sis bubulae frustrum assae, solana tuberosa in modo gallico fricta, ac quassum lactatum coagulatum crassum (Give me a hamburger, french fries, and a thick shake).

Cardinal Vacuumus Hooveramis III, Sanctum sanctorum